This Post Will Not Help You with Your Fitness Goals or Tell You the Answer to that Dress Question

I don’t want to write this blog post.

There are like a crap-ton of other things shitty things I’d prefer to be doing other than writing this. In fact, I’d rather wash a sink full of dishes that have been sitting in sink at a Las Vegas Crapplebee’s for a week, or scrub a gas station toilet with my bare hands…in New Orleans, or watch 3 minutes of “Keeping Up With the Kardashians.”

But, in a moment of stupidity on Facebook, I was all, “Who wants to follow my progress when I restart ‘The New Rules of Lifting for Women’?” And I think there were about six of you who said you wanted to.

You bastards.

Since then, the guilt about not posting anything has been tugging at my shirt hem like your kid does when you’re trying to have a phone conversation about where to send this annoying child during the day. Relax, I’m kidding.

I actually have written a couple of posts, but they literally put me to sleep while I was typing them. Not kidding.

In fact, I just woke up from my coma today. What day is it? Where am I? Why is a hideous dress going viral on the Internet?

Credit: http://www.viralglobalnews.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/Grumpy-cat-meme.jpg

I only want to tell you guys the truth. And that is that I don’t want to write this blog post.

If you still insist on following my progress because you aren’t a good listener, sign up for DailyMile or Twitter. (To annoy my husband, which is my life’s purpose, all of my DailyMile posts automatically post to Twitter). You guys, if you really care about not putting me into another coma, then you will follow me in one of those two ways.

Because I just can’t write about my workouts anymore. Hearing about other people’s workouts is like listening to anything Dakota Johnson has to say. Yeah. Don’t care.

I suppose if you are learning about something new, it is mildly interesting to see what someone else is doing. Thus, DailyMile and Twitter, people.

But, because we are here, unfortunately—this is what I’m going to do for you. I’m going to give you what I’ve been doing in an eggshell (slightly bigger than a nut).

  • I lift heavy weights approx. 3x/week using “The New Rules of Lifting for Women” (right now)
  • I use lighter dumbbells for Metabolic Effect circuits 2-3x/week
  • I run at a moderate or slower pace approx. 2-3x/week (one of those being a long run)
  • I do short (5, 10 or 15 min.) metabolic sprints on a treadmill, bike or stair machine 2-3x/week (example: 30 seconds hard, 60 easy)
  • I go for cortisol-lowering walks when I can find the time (not very often)
  • I POST IT ALL ON DAILYMILE/TWITTER

My workouts are usually between 30-60 minutes. For food stuff, I follow Precision Nutrition for common-sense, healthy ideas about what food and how much of it to put into my body.

And, dude, there are about a gazillion qualified people to get health and fitness advice from on the Internet. My favorite legit ones are Jen Sinkler, Jill Coleman, Nia Shanks and Molly Galbraith. Go forth, and read their wisdom.

Because I really don’t want to write this blog post. And I doubt there will be anything worth reading past this point.

By the way, I am running the Seattle Hot Chocolate 15K on Sunday. I’m looking forward to seeing friends and eating the chocolate fondue at the end. And getting a pretty sweatshirt.

Told you!

Tina Fey was right. People really don’t listen.