My Training To Do List

I like lists. Mostly, I like crossing stuff off of them. I decided to make a list of what I want to work on in relation to my training. Usually, if it’s written down, I’ll do it, so here it is:

Swim/Bike/Run Longer

I have to work up to running mileage, obviously. I don’t want to do too much too quickly because that’s when I get hurt. I’m trying to be smart and increase my long runs slowly. I also intend to run most of my long runs on the softer surface of dirt trails if I can. I need to increase my endurance in the pool, too. Right now, my pool options are limited, but I hope to change that (see Join a Gym). I am loving cycling! I need to get a better seat so I can ride longer than an hour. Right now, that region is not happy much longer than 60 minutes.

Swim/Bike/Run Faster

Ha! Don’t we all want this? Right now, I’m really trying to hold myself back from too much speed work on my runs. I’m throwing in some harder efforts here and there, but there’s no real plan. The truth is: I get bored if I have to slog through miles. I want to keep things interesting, so I’m mixing speed in my runs here and there, and trying very hard to have at least one day where I take it very easy. Long runs will have some speed in the middle or at the end—but the majority of the miles will be easy. Swimming and biking faster should be easy to do since I’m new at it and will have lots and lots of room for improvement!

Get Leaner

For me now, getting leaner is not about losing weight. It’s about toning. It’s about getting rid of the jelly belly and muffin top. My diet is pretty good. I indulge, but only occasionally. I’ve cut my popcorn consumption back a lot. Last night, I had a few almonds and some fruit instead of a huge, salty bowl of popcorn. I am eating more whole foods more of the time, and I feel better because of that. I took my measurements on Monday. And I plan to take them once a week, and track how I do. The other part of this is getting a stronger core.

Get Stronger

This goes hand-in-hand with Get Leaner. My core is still pretty weak. I know because my sciatica has flared up recently. I have to hold or lean on the wall to put my pants on again. Need to get that mid-section strong! Right now, I have one day of strength work on my training plan. But I was reading this great post by Cook Train Eat Race about core work, and I think I’m going to try to do 15 minutes of core work per day. I easily watch an hour of TV at night. I certainly can do 15 minutes of core work during that! I’d like to add an extra day of strength work, too. I’m thinking Wednesdays.

More 2-a-Days

I love 2-a-days—a morning workout and an evening workout. I need more of them. Even if they are just a half-hour each.

My schedule right now looks like this:

  • Monday: Stretch/strength, core and rest
  • Tuesday: Run (4 miles), core and easy bike or swim (optional)
  • Wednesday: Bike (45-50 minutes) and (adding) stretch/strength and core (maybe this is a core-focused strength workout)
  • Thursday: Run (3-4 miles), core and easy bike or swim (optional)
  • Friday: Swim and core
  • Saturday: Long bike (right now about 60 minutes), stretching/rolling and core
  • Sunday: Long run (right now about 6 miles), stretching/rolling and core

Better Sleep

In order to do more 2-a-days, I need to get a good night’s sleep. On work nights, I need to be in bed before 10 and falling asleep by 10:05. I’ve been having some difficulty with sleep lately. I’m working on this, but it just always seems like something. Like last night. I went to bed at 10:10, but the dog kept me up till almost 11. Then I woke up twice during the night because I had to pee. The second time was at 3:50, and I had trouble falling back asleep. I needed to be up by 4:30 a.m. to get in my morning bike ride. So, yeah, I missed it. Sleep is important, too, so I decided to “sleep in” till 5:15. I’ll make the workout up tonight, but it would’ve been nice to have it out of the way. I’ve been averaging 6 non-consecutive hours of sleep this week. Not good.

Join a Gym

Since I realized that running and triathlon are my hobbies now, not just a way to get in shape, I need to join a gym. A real one with a pool and classes, and things. I’d like to try yoga and spinning. And I need to have a more convenient swimming option. I have a plan for this one.

I’m sure, like most of my lists, I’ll keep adding to this as I go. What’s on your training to-do list?

What If I’m Not Afraid?

Recently, I have become more aware of fear’s power to paralyze. But I am learning that it’s okay to be afraid, as long as I recognized it and then GET OVER IT when I need to.

I’ve noticed that if I want something bad enough, I will not let fear stand in my way. But sometimes I use fear as an excuse (usually subconsiously). And when I let fear get in the way of something, does that mean I don’t really want it? Or do I?

I think just recognizing the fear will help me answer that question. Just how important is it–whatever it isto me?

If I want it, then I need to push the self-doubt out of my mind and move forward!

When I was in the 8th and 9th grade, I went to this day camp called Junior Lifeguards at Folsom Lake during the summer. During the camp, we’d do beach runs, play games that were actually strength exercises, swim (of course), do mock rescues, and we learned CPR and first aid. But we also had sessions where we learned about lifeguarding and how lifeguards handle all sorts of scenarios, from water rescues to treating burns.

The younger kids in the camp always asked the lifeguards the most ridiculous “what if” questions like, “What if an airplane lands in the middle of the lake?”

There are a lot of “what if” questions that surround fear, too. I can hear myself asking them. What if I suck? What if I fall? What if I look like a dork? What if I fail?

You know what? What if I turned those “what if” questions upside down?

What if I don’t fall? What if I rock it? What if I look like awesome? What if I succeed?

 

“Feel the fear. Do it anyway!”
-Jillian Michaels

Training Recap for the Week of 01-21-13

I decided since I’m training for something now, that I might try to recap my training each Sunday. Besides, I find it helpful to go back and assess what I did during the week.

The first thing I learned about this week (1/21-1/27/13), is that I thought I took two rest days, which I only have one scheduled right now. But looking back, I see that I rode the bike on Monday. So, I worked out, but not the workout that I was supposed to do. Then, on Thursday night, I felt so exhausted that I blew off getting up early Friday to go swim. The public pool is only open 5:30-7 a.m. or 11:30 a.m.-1 p.m. on Friday, and I had made plans for the middle of the day with a friend. Hopefully, I will be able to get a better pool situation going soon–one where I can swim any time instead of being restricted to ridiculous hours.

So, yeah. Oops. Here we go:

MONDAY

Scheduled: Stretch/strength 30-45 minutes

What I Did: 30 minutes on the bike trainer for 5.75 miles (11.5 mph)

Okay, so technically I have a work out on this day–stretching and strengthening–and it’s not really a complete rest day like I said above. My arms (elbows? WTF?) were sore from riding my bike outside on Saturday (my brakes are so hard to squeeze!) and my knee was a little sore from falling off the bike. Duhr. So I decided to “rest.” Anyway, I was feeling a little bummed out, so I rode the trainer and actually it helped lift my mood. Mondays bum me out even though I don’t work Mondays.

Maybe it’s ’cause everyone’s back to work and maybe I feel a little left behind, even though I know it’s good to be home with my little boy who won’t be little forever, and now I’m thinking about how he’s growing up and I’m sad…let’s move on to Tuesday.

TUESDAY

Scheduled: 4 miles at whatever pace I want

What I Did: 3.23 miles  at a 9:33 pace

I turned lap pace off of my watch and just ran. I felt a little sluggish. I was also disgusted since there was poop all over the trail near work. I think there are coyotes “paroling” the wetland area. 🙁 I hope they don’t get any of the ducks because they are so cute diving in the creek with their little feather butts up in the air.

WEDNESDAY

Scheduled: 45 minutes on the trainer with cadence at 95

What I Did: 45 minutes on the bike trainer for 8.19 miles (10.9 mph)

I didn’t sleep well Monday night. And I didn’t sleep well Tuesday night. I woke up at 4 Wednesday and couldn’t get back to sleep, so I just got up to do my work out. I played with the gears on my bike to try to keep my cadence at 95. I hadn’t really ever tried to ride with cadence in mind, so this was interesting.

THURSDAY

Scheduled: 3 miles at whatever pace I want

What I Did: 4 miles with 2 miles of speed work in the middle; 30 minutes on the bike trainer for 4 miles (8 mph)

I felt like pushing myself a little, and I wanted to do 4 miles since I only did 3 on Tuesday. The workout: 1 mile warm up, then 4x.25 at a fast pace with .25 rest intervals at an easy pace, then a mile cool down. I still had the lap pace turned off on my watch, but I could see my overall pace and since I restarted the lap each .25 mile, I could cheat and look at the pace if I wanted to. But I really tried hard to just look at the distance and not the pace, and just run “hard.” My repeats were: 7:30, 7:32, 7:20 and 7:50. I died at the end.

FRIDAY
Scheduled: 1,600 yards in the pool

What I Did: Lunch with a friend; bought skinny jeans at Express; coffee/hot cocoa date with Karsen; grocery shopping; cleaned out refrigerator

Oops.

SATURDAY

Scheduled: 50 minutes with the cadence at 100 RPMs

What I Did: 60 minutes, with 50 minutes of that at 100 RPMs for 13.6 miles

I warmed up for about 7 minutes. My legs were creaky when I got on the bike just before 7 a.m. Luckily (or unluckily), I had Victoria Azarenka’s squeals to keep me entertained as the Tennis Channel was reshowing the final between her and Li Na. I understand some grunting, but to scream every time? Even on little dinks over the net? Seems excessive, but hey, she won, so obviously she’s onto something.

After a warm up, I got my legs going. I kept the bike in an easier gear for about 10 minutes till I had the feel for 100 RPMs. Then I switched into a middle gear that was more challenging and held it there for what seemed like forever. I liked this gear, though, because I liked seeing my speed increase to 15-16 mph. (I can’t help it. I like to go fast.)

The sweat! So. Much. Sweat. I needed a towel and a water bottle, but didn’t want to stop to get one for fear that I wouldn’t be able to get my legs going again. I knew they would feel like jelly when I finished. My hands got pruney because they were soaked with sweat for so long.

For 5 or so minutes toward the end, I switched back to the easier gear, and then slowed it down for several minutes before stopping.

What a workout! I’m loving the bike…with a few exceptions. Should my elbows hurt? Is it possible my handlebars are too far in front of me? And, this I already knew, but dang…I need a better seat.

That night, I streamed Spirit of the Marathon on Netflix. It made me think about what running has done for me: I have running to thank for some amazing friends, for better health (physically and mentally), and for increased confidence. I also especially enjoyed watching the segments about Deena Kastor. (Side note: Looks like Deena’s going to run the LA Marathon in March. I wish more marathons were televised.)

SUNDAY

Scheduled: 5 miles at a “conversational” pace

What I Did: 3 miles at a “conversational” pace; 2 miles at a harder effort

Lucy (left) and Bennie (right) are wondering if they get to go, too. Ha! I like to de-stress when I run.
Lucy (left) and Bennie (right) are wondering if they get to go, too. Ha! I like to de-stress when I run.

I am trying to run more by feel these days–especially since I’m simply working on building up my mileage. So, long runs are being done at a “conversational” pace, and I’m throwing in some speed during the week (a harder, can only-talk-in-fragments effort) just so I don’t lose the feel for going faster. I hope this method helps to keep me from getting hurt. Here is a great article about it by Jenny Hadfield: Do I Base Race Pace Workouts on PR Pace or Goal Pace?

So today, I turned the pace completely off of my watch: just overall time and distance. I ran on my favorite trail that is a combo of dirt and gravel. The way away from my house is downhill slightly; they way back, of course, is uphill slightly. No music–just the rhythm of my shoes crunching on the trail.

I do not like “slogging” through miles. I like the miles to have a purpose. Last week, when I did six miles at a slower pace, I was so bored! This week, mixed it up. Here’s how it went:

Mile 1: East on the trail toward the road where the dirt trail ends–it’s about a quarter mile–then back westward going slightly downhill. Stopped at .9 to stretch calves, hamstrings and hips. Avg. pace: 9:41

Mile 2: Still going westward/slightly downhill. Felt effortless; focused on form. Avg. pace: 8:53

Mile 3: Still going slightly downill. Increased effort. Talked to myself a few times to see if I could still talk in spurts at least. Passed a newish looking runner coming toward me. I saw quite a few runners already, but since she seemed new (judging based on clothes and form, so I could be wrong), I made an extra point of smiling big and waving. Turned halfway into the mile and headed up toward home. Avg. pace: 8:27

Mile 4: Now going slightly uphill/eastward, so the effort seemed much harder and I had to take it down a notch. Continued to occasionally whisper/talk to myself. Enjoyed the view of the lake and passed the newish runner from behind, nodding as I went by. Avg. pace: 8:58

Mile 5: Slowed it down and focused on form again. All the way back up to the road where the dirt ends to turn around. A faster dude that had passed me earlier was coming back from his turnaround point across the road, and he passed me again. I tried to match his easy stride, but his strides were much longer than mine and I was trying to keep my effort in check so I let him go. We both passed the “newish” runner again. I smiled and waved, and she said, “Would you stop passing me?!” while laughing. I laughed and told her she was doing awesome. (I sort of wanted to turn around and run with her because I am missing my running buddies, but I had to get home.) Avg. pace: 9:46

Big THANK YOU to Erika for helping me figure out how to fit swimming and biking into my week, and giving me some work outs!

Thanks for reading! If you have any answers to my questions or questions to ask, I’d love it if you left a comment. Happy training!

Why I’m Not Tracking Calories Anymore

You know, I was thinking that tracking my calories might do more harm than good these days. So I stopped. I stopped wearing the bodybugg, stopped entering all my food into MyFitnessPal…just stopped…worrying about it.

I KNOW how much I should be eating. I KNOW when I’m eating too much or eating something unhealthy. I KNOW. And I need to be responsible for what and how much food goes in my body instead of trying to trick the numbers (working out to eat more).

I also am more aware of how certain foods make me feel. Because I eat healthy most of the time, when I do have something indulgent, I can feel its effect on me. Heavily processed or sugary foods, or very unbalanced meals (heavy on carbs and fats, no protein) make me lethargic and grumpy.

I’m about 156 pounds and I’m almost 5’8” tall. So, I’m at a pretty healthy weight. Yeah, I have some vanity pounds I’d like to get rid of, but I figure they’ll come off when I stop obsessing about it.

I think I first realized this over the Christmas holiday when my mom was here. I was telling her about my struggle to get rid of the last of the pounds, and she asked if I’d had my body fat tested and that maybe I don’t have any fat lose.

Haha. So funny, Mom. Love you, but I have fat. But maybe I don’t look as “bad” as I think I do. I’m one of those people that can’t see my body accurately in the mirror. It usually takes a photograph.

I guess I’m just so used to trying to lose weight. I’m hoping triathlon and strength training will help tone my body and make it look more like how I feel.

I may not be the strongest woman in the world, but I my body can do some pretty amazing stuff, including running far and fast, and riding my bike and swimming, and doing pushups and things. There’s loooottttssss of room for improvement, of course, but I feel strong. My body is powerful.

I want the way I look on the outside to reflect what’s on the inside.

It’s not about a number anymore.

It’s about a feeling.

First Outdoor Ride on Hot Wheels!

Me, Chelsea and Lisa post-ride.
Me, Chelsea and Lisa post-ride.

It was a little tricky picking out what to wear for a 34-degree bike ride. And my first outdoor ride on my new road bike, Hot Wheels, to boot!

Fortunately, I’d purchased these wind- and water-proof cycling pants after Christmas in anticipation of some cold riding. I didn’t expect it to be this cold, though. Unfortunately, I didn’t purchase any booties to go over my shoes…or a pair of wind-proof gloves (although, now I think I could’ve used my ski gloves, shoot). I wore two wicking base layers under my bright yellow and sort of light cycling jacket. I had on some trail running socks, but they weren’t sufficient (ouchie toes).

My friend Chelsea hadn’t been riding outside in a while, but also really wanted to get out on her bike, too, so we set up a day and time. Her friend Lisa, whom I’ve met a few times and is awesome, also joined us! Three crazies! The weather report called for mid-40’s and sun, but that never happened. Mid-30’s and cloudy/foggy was more like it. We met in the somewhat central location of Factoria (Bellevue) since Chelsea lives in like the most western point of Washington short of being on an island (not really).

We planned to ride the Sound to Greenway trail that runs sort of parallel to I-90 toward Lake Washington. We got to our meeting spot, and once we all got our gear on and were ready to get on our bikes, I got really nervous. Like I had to pee. What if I fall?! (Hmmm. Likely.) What if I get hit by a car?! (On a bike trail? Not likely.)

We set off and I clicked in rather easily, surprisingly myself. I’m a natural! We approached an intersection that we thought we had to cross. I saw it coming and prepared myself to twist my foot out of my pedal. I achieved this rather flawlessly. But when we were just standing there (with a giant pack of pro-looking male riders just across the intersection) I lost my balance and almost fell, nearly taking Chelsea down in the process. Real smooth.

Once they went by, we realize WE didn’t need to cross the street at all. We simply needed to have gone around the corner. Oops! So we set off again. It didn’t take me long to HATE downhills. My brakes are either a) too big for my little girly hands to squeeze or b) to stiff for my little girly hand muscles to squeeze. (Anyone want to weigh in on this?)

Uphills, while challenging, are sort of fun. By the end of the ride, I was getting more comfortable with shifting. I’ve read a lot about shifting (because I feared it), but putting it into action is a different story. On one uphill, there was a little turnout on a switchback-type corner. Chels pulled into the turnout. I saw her, followed her, but natural bike-riding instinct told me to lift my foot OFF the pedal instead of twisting it out. Oops. Panic!

In that split second, I knew I was falling. It happened so fast.

Fortunately, I was hardly moving. Unfortunately, there was a big pack of dudes (AGAIN?!) behind us. I heard one of them yell out “WHOA!” as I hit the ground. They all stopped to see if I was alright, which was very nice, but embarrassing.

“I’m okay,” I said.

“Are you sure?” their pack leader asked in an Italian-sounding accent.

“Yeah,” I said, standing up. “I’m new.”

My left knee, hand and elbow hurt a little, and nothing was ripped (a freaking miracle!). After I collected myself, we all set off again.

We crossed Mercer Island. It had some hills, but didn’t seem too bad. The downhills were tough since squeezing my brakes was so hard.

What I didn’t like were all the stop signs! Ugh. Having to click in and out, in and out. And getting started going up a hill is not easy! During the ride, my core and hands stayed pretty warm, but my feet did not. My toes were so cold, they had that hot, stinging feeling afterward, and it took a while for them to warm up. Gotta get something warmer for my poor tootsies if I’m going to ride outside in winter again.

When I got home, I discovered I had a bloody knee. Huh. Look at that. I also had what I think is called road rash (?) on my shoulder and my hip (but it went away by the next day). And the scrape on my knee was minor, although my son cried when I showed it to him. “I JUST DON’T WANT TO SEE BLOOD!” he wailed as he ran away from me.

Overall, the ride was awesome. I kept forgetting to start and stop my Garmin, but the ride was about 10 miles and we did it in just over an hour. I’m so glad I was able to get outside and ride Hot Wheels for real! But the next day my husband set up my bike computer for me. I’ll be on the trainer till it gets above 40, at least!

In Other News…

I think I have changed my mind about doing the Olympic distance for my first tri: the Dilettante Women’s Triathlon. (Use the discount code to save $10 on registration: INSANITYDWT13.) My friend Erika, who is helping me with training, and I were discussing it over e-mail and I realized that maybe I should work up to something instead of just trying to skip steps and start in the middle. Does that makes sense? Also, T told me that the Athena weight has changed (whaaaat?), so I don’t qualify anymore, which means I will be registering in my age group. I was leaning toward that anyway. So. There ya go.

My First Triathlon and Building Endurance

Me as an IronKids finisher!

Well, there’s no turning back now. I’m going to be doing the Dilettante Women’s Triathlon on June 15! I’m not sure there could be a more perfect event for my first triathlon since the 8th grade–that’s like 23 years ago! Why?

  • It’s an all women’s triathlon. I don’t have to worry about being muscled out or run over by dudes (okay, I’m not sure that actually happens at any race).
  • It’s only about 15-20 minutes away from my house. I hate worrying about the logistics of races, so this takes a load off my mind.
  • It’s a smaller race. Less intimidating for noobs like me.
  • My friend Jill, one of my trusted tri advisors, is going to be doing it, too.
  • There will be chocolate. Good chocolate.

Adding to the excitement, I was asked to help promote the race and can offer readers a $10 off discount code (see code at the end of this post)!

RETURN TO THE POOL
Since I actually had a race scheduled, I decided to get to the pool on Friday. My goal was to swim 1,600 yards total, and for 800 of them to be in a row.

Sadly, I could only go for 400 yards without stopping. It’s not so much that I was out of breath. It was more that my arms wouldn’t work anymore. So, I have my work cut out for me. For the Dilettante Tri, I am signing up for the Olympic length. I will need to be able to swim 1,500 meters (.93 of a mile!) continuously in a choppy lake around other people.

I am not sure if I should register in my age group (I’m 35) or as an Athena (I’m 156 pounds right now). Thoughts? If you had to make this decision, what would you do?

I did finish 1,600 yards in 45 minutes. The first 100 was slow freestyle, then 100 breaststroke (my easiest stroke). Then I did the 400 free continuously. Afterward, I did 100 breastroke (because I wanted to die). Then I did 100’s of free with 30 second rest intervals in between each 100 until I got to 1,400 yards. I finished with a combo of free and breastroke.

ON THE ROAD
On Saturday, I completed my first outdoor bike ride on Hot Wheels with my friends Chelsea and Lisa! It was awesome (and cold). I did fall once, though. Ouch. The day deserves its own post (plus I have a TON of biking questions), so look for that in a couple days.

LONG RUN
On Sunday, I woke up with a pounding headache. I am trying not to take Ibuprofin every time I get a headache, which seems to be every few days recently. I tried drinking water. Nope. Drinking coffee. Nope. And having some food (and some chocolate). Nope. It lessend, but it was still there just under the surface. Ugh. I hoped a run would help, but I had to wait for the temperature to come up a little.

Around 11, it was about 30 degrees or so, and didn’t seem too bad, so I went for my long run for the week. My goal was to run at an aerobic pace for about an hour. When I was running, I decided that if I got to 6 miles before an hour, I would stop.

I took the trail by my house that runs by the lake and it was gorgeous–some of the surface was frozen! I had to stop and take a photo, but I’m not sure you can really see the detail of the frozen water.

Lake Wilderness in the winter.

I did today’s run without music or any kind of entertainment. I really have been missing my dirt and gravel trail. The quiet sounds of birds and trickling of many small waterfalls was better than having Flo Rida blasting in my ear anyway. Last year, I ran the trail a lot when I was using the Run Less Run Faster plan to PR in the 5k. I had a lot of really fast long runs on the trail, and I really enjoyed running without music then, too.

When I run the trail, I try not to use music. I want to be aware of my surroundings. I feel safer on the weekends because there are usually a lot of people out exercising on the trail. But I also take Mace. I have a little carrier that I can strap around my hand, but I dislike holding things when I run. I strapped it around my wrist today, and that worked well. There was one creepy dude and I simply moved the Mace from my wrist to my hand to be ready. But when I got closer, I recognized him. I see him on the trail a lot. You never know, though, so better safe than sorry.

This year, I’m trying to “run more and run smarter.” I need to build my endurance. I will worry about speed later. I haven’t been running that many miles per week since fall, and I’ve been sick a lot, too. So, today’s run was nice and easy–at a conversational pace–and I reached 6 miles just short of one hour. Perfect. (Unfortunately, the headache returned when I stopped running. I tried to combat it with a shower and a protein smoothie, but no. A couple hours later I had to take some Ibuprofin. Bummer.)

BUILDING ENDURANCE
I plan to build my endurance in the swim, run and bike until March–when we have a little vacay–and then start “real” tri and half training when we get back. Dilettante Women’s Triathlon is June 15 and then Seattle Rock ‘N’ Roll is the following weekend. Talk about a fun couple of weeks!

So…who wants to do the Dilettante Women’s Triathlon on June 15 with me and a bunch of awesome women?! Sign up now and save $10 with the discount code: INSANITYDWT13

Finishers get a medal, Dilettante chocolate (of course!), quick results posted on race day, post-race food, prizes for overall and age group winners, chip timing and a great experience! Plus, 15% of your race entry fee goes to support King County Parks, which I think is pretty nice!

ONE FINAL NOTE
Also, I wanted to say thank you to those of you who left me comments on my last post. It really helps me to hear other opinions on issues–even personal issues. I guess I just feel like I should have had my career all figured out by 35 years old, and that it would be something really fabulous and impressive, but I don’t and it isn’t.

I thought about it some more and realized I haven’t put that much effort into figuring out what that fabulous career is and what it would take to get to it, so maybe it’s not that important to me. I think maybe just being happy and being with family, friends and enjoying my hobbies means more to me than having that fancy job.

Kerrie is Not Impressed

I was feeling so low on Monday. When I get low, I question myself. What do I want with my life?

I go back and forth between wanting to be someone and wanting to just quietly live my happy little life. Most days, my happy little life wins. But some days, I feel disappointed in myself. Disappointed that I haven’t done anything. I mean, I’m 35, and I am a part-time copywriter. In the words of Adam Sandler: Whoopidy doo!

Do you know what I mean? I like my job, don’t get me wrong, but it’s just that it’s not particularly impressive. Who am I trying to impress?

Well, me.

I’m a tough critic…of myself. Have you ever seen Despicable Me? I’m totally Gru’s mom; not to my kid–everything he does is pretty great–or anyone else, but to myself.

Gru: “Look, Mom, I made a real rocket based on the macaroni prototype.”
Gru’s mom: “Eh.”

Me: “Look, Ker, you just ran a freaking marathon with a smile on your face the whole time!”

Me: “Eh.”

Me: “Look, Ker, you were in charge of worldwide internal communications for a Fortune 150 company before you were 30!”

Me: “Eh.”

Me: “Look, Ker, you write copy for products sold nationwide in freaking Costco!”

Me: “Eh.”

Kerrie is not impressed.

I suspect social media makes this worse. When I can so easily see all the wonderful accomplishments of others, I get that “keeping up with the Joneses” feeling even though I am ecstatic for the other person. I am impressed definitely. Envious, too. I should really stay off of social media.

I had a whole blog post about my training so far this week and how I’m FINALLY feeling better, and not wheezing anymore, and getting back into the swing of things. But none of it helped me answer the question that’s been on my mind since Monday: What do I want with my life? I’ve only come up with more questions: When will I have done enough to impress myself? When will I have done enough so that I stop questioning if I can do more, be more? When can I stop questioning? When can I stop and just enjoy today?

I can totally see the future. I do a triathlon, but as usual, I’m not impressed with myself. So I sign up for an Ironman. But if the marathon did not impress me, will an Ironman? And then what?

Am I trying to fill what I perceive as a career-hole with endurance sports? Is that what is going on here? I’m not entirely sure. And, if that’s what it is, why endurance sports? Why not knitting?

What the hell is wrong with me?